Posts Tagged ‘life


Mr. Spock had the right idea…

Emotions.  Puh-tooie…

Here I am on the eve (give or take a few days) of the birth of my 4th child.  I should be ecstatic to meet him.

God has brought us through so much in this last year.  He’s opened doors, moved mountains, and continued to prove his love and provision for us.  I should be overwhelmed with gratitude.

My school and its administration and faculty are professionals in the best sense of the word.  My students, while counting the odd duck (or 12) among their number, are enthusiastic, open-minded, and hard-working.  I should feel privileged to teach where I do.

I’ve been eating better, getting (marginally) more exercise than usual, losing weight and inches off my waistline.  I should feel all healthy-buff.

So why do I feel poopy?  From what seeds sprout this discontent?  Why, in the midst of my beloved family, friends, and God do I feel so utterly alone this night?

I’m usually all about the silver lining.  Why can’t I make myself see anything but raincloud right now?


To-do List, Monday, November 26, 2007

a.  stop being sick

b.  stop entire family from being sick

c.  figure out what the heck I’m going to do with my classes today, this week, the rest of this semester

d.  get some rest

e.  make sure snake isn’t dead from starvation

f.  feed snake/dispose of corpse (conditional)

g.  figure out how to pay for the trip we just took

h.  put life back together


Right about then… God showed up.

Another Monday morning. Got out of the house early enough to not be late. Got into my car, cranked the ignition, and discovered that my lovely wife had (yet again) left the CD player going… loudly. It was finishing up one song, and starting this one:

Maybe There’s A Loving God

By Sara Groves

I’m trying to work things out
I’m trying to comprehend
Am I the chance result
Of some great accident
I hear a rhythm call me
The echo of a grand design
I spend each night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars in the sky

I have another meeting today
With my new counselor
My mom will cry and say
I don’t know what to do with her
She’s so unresponsive
I just cannot break through
She spends all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon

They have a chart and a graph
Of my despondency
They want to chart a path
For self-recovery
And want to know what I’m thinking
What motivates my mood
To spend all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon

Maybe this was made for me
For lying on my back in the middle of a field
Maybe that’s a selfish thought
Or maybe there’s a loving God

Maybe I was made this way
To think and to reason and to question and to pray
And I have never prayed a lot
But maybe there’s a loving God

And that may be a foolish thought
Or maybe there is a God
And I have never prayed a lot
But maybe there’s a loving God

And I don’t entirely understand why, but I hit repeat, and left the volume up. As I listened to the song five or six times in a row (I lost count), I kept tearing up… I was having a really hard time holding myself together.

It hit me a little bit later… actually, a lot of things hit me. A comment that Kristy left me on my “slump” post… something I had read earlier this morning in a book called Don’t Waste Your Life… and it occurred to me that I had forgotten the point of why I do what I do. Not just the teaching part, but all of it. I’m supposed to glorify God to other people in everything I do… or everything I do is a wasted effort.

I realized that I had stopped actively seeing my kids at school as people, as souls who are seeking the very God that I claim to know personally, love, and serve. And I was guilty of sitting on that information, of not sharing that glory, of becoming one more grumbly, gripy adult in their lives.

And that’s why I’ve been miserable. I’m not doing what I was created for. I’m not loving and serving the people that God has brought into my sphere of influence.

Wow. Thank you Sara. Thank you too, Kristi. Thank you most of all, Jesus. This was all made for me, and you are a loving God.


Try to abort ME, will ya?!?

This is just unbelievable. Read it.

The Boy Who Refused to Die (clicky)

Ain’t God good?

The random musings of a 30-something, West Texas high-school science teacher. Hoo-RAY.
February 2020
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